I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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