Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
