Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
