i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
