If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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