wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
