Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
