Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize