Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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