We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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