I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Randomize
