I'm lost and stupid without you.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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