I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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