There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
