I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
