ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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