we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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