I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
