i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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