i need an iv and a liver transplant
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
