He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
