ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
