I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
porn star boner night. come get it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
