Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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