worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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