Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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