I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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