I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
