belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
