i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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