while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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