Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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