Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
