I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
