Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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