so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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