Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
