Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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