Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
