then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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