I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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