I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
