i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
