Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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