i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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