Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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