So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
that's an acceptable place to lick
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
