mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I want to walk on stilts...naked
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
