I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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