U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
