After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Barsexuality is the new black.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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