I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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