you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
