i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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