either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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