We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize