So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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