I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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