I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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