I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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