a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
