Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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