Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
