Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
