Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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