You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
what day is it and did you see me today?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
