So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
