My brain says no but my pants say off.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We need to get me chipped asap
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
