dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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