Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
