is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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