Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
