I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
