You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
