I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We just shotgunned beers for America
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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